Water fountains and fun

I have recently been pondering the summers I spent in chinatown with my aunt and cousins. The sweltering heat of L.A used to cause us to run down and up into the streets of downtown to the sky rise buildings where we would cool off by jumping into the huge public water fountains. I remember all the corporate and office suits staring down at us with smiles on their faces, as if they were wishing they could strip from their boring grow-up lives and jump in with us. The gang consited of myself, my brother Adrian, my cousins Buddy and Chris, and on some days the occasional neighbor friends. My aunt was always short on money, with four kids of herself, there never seemed to be enough. But she always managed to make it through the day. Even if it meant cooling off in public water fountains rather than the public pool, that cost three dollars a person. Hey, it was free and honestly alot more fun! There was something about all the attention we got that I loved.

I miss walking home drenched in water, stopping at the local fast food restaurant and fighting over who drank the most soda, as we had to share, one big soda for 5 kids! Although i was not underpriviledged, my parents worked hard and made more than enough to fulfill my brother and my needs, but it was humbling sharing food, not being able to go to a water park or public pool, creating fun free ideas of ways to entertain ourselves during the long summer days. Life seemed to be so much liberating with little money. And growing up in this city, we found there to be so much one can do with NO money, so much is free! Not to mention how exciting it used to be sneaking into movie theatres through the back door! Life was good as a young kid during those summers, boredom never made an appearance.

The other day I passed by the huge water fountain we used to jump and play in, I saw two kids shyly dipping their feet in the water. I smiled and yelled, "Jump in! It's fun!" The kids laughed and began splashing one another. I smiled and realized I was one of the suits now, looking in and wishing I could jump in and be a kid again.

Working in the slums of L.A.

I'm working in Pico-Union these days. A small 3 bedroom house, with 12 plus people living in it. Poverty is rampant in this neighborhood, violence is everywhere. On my way to work the other day I saw two seperate men in a 1 mile radius beating on their girlfriends. My stomach turned and I began to cry, I called the police but they never came. I give in home therapy to a young autistic boy. His mother is an immigrant from Guatemala, she is sweet and cares alot about her son. She is alone, her husband was killed in an auto accident. I am placed in these environments because I speak spanish, I am one of 5 bilingual employees in my company. A part of me hates working in the area, but when I see how much his mother appreciates my time, and how much progress I make with the little guy, it makes it all worthwhile, kind of.

tired of AZ racist bull!

So AZ is calling to Tuscon to rid itself of "illegal" mexican american studies. This upsets me, no, this enrages me! Are we still living in the days of the conquest? Where conquerors burned all historical documents of the native indigenous people, and erased their history by burning text books and stories of their past. Are we not a conquered people already? I personally feel like these racist, ignorant "don't let the immigrants legal 'cause they'll take our jobs and use up all our financial aid!" people are trying to conquer me and the Mexican-American generations who follow. To say that MY history is ILLEGAL is to say that I AM ILLEGAL, and last time I checked I was born right here on the land that used to be MX. History doesn't repeat itself, it is the American people who allow this kind of fear-based rhetoric to construe our minds, and control our logic. Until we stand up and say no more, ya basta, as a powerful giant, will they listen. With unity we shall have no fear, united we are powerful. I am not a conquered being, I will study my history before I study any other history! And I object to the teachings of the pubic schools in America, the black and white history they teach our kids. I will teach my children their own history before I teach them any other peoples history. If you do not know where you come from, the struggles of your ancestors, you will have no empowerment, your soul has no purpose. Once you connect yourself with your ancestors, then you begin to envision yourself as a warrior, a strong beautiful powerful being, who cannot and will not be stopped. And that is exactly what they want to take away from us, our power of knowledge, our history, ourselves.

living the dream

what is the american dream?

is it a house with a white picket fence?

driving a mercedes benz?

Or is the new american dream about surviving?

surviving the unemployment, the poverty, the violence?

or is the american dream gone?

is it too late for us?

is our generation doomed to live in squander

and battle for few jobs available?

let me tell you what my american dream is

it's living in peace

not worrying about when you're going to buy a house

or if you have a "good" job

it's about being happy

its about freeing our minds from materialistic thoughts

saying F-you to consumerism

going back to healing the land

and raising our own food and animals

If you think I'm crazy then I think you're crazy too

you who only thinks of money and big fancy cars

you who lets your kids play video games all day

YOU, SOCIETY

my american dream is not "american" it is human

i will not allow YOU to make me feel as if I've accomplished nothing

because I do not have material gains

I have more

I have love

love of my family

love of peace

love of happiness

tell me, when you die

will you have love?

Looking back on Diego's birth day

So my lil one will be one in a few weeks. Where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday I was waddling around with my big ass belly. And in a few weeks I will remember when I went into labor and experienced the most beautiful moments of my life, birthing my first born. Now I barely have time for myself, but I don't mind. I had 25 years to myself. Now he's crawling around pulling on my leg, standing up all by himself. It may sound cliche but time does fly! It comes and it goes, allowing you little time to enjoy those precious moments. I'm grateful I've had the chance to be with my boy throughout his first year of life. I have seen it all, or shall I say Diego has seen it all. From trying to potty train him at 5 months to sticking red string on his forehead when he had the hiccups (hey they told me it worked!). This little guy has had to endure all of his mothers crazy antics. But I'm sure if he could speak he'd say he's enjoyed all those times just as much as I have. Except maybe the time I put ribbons and bows on his hair and imagined what my daughter would look like. From experiencing new emotions, to feeling new textures, I've been there. From trying new foods to trying sand at the playground, I've been there. And it only gets better and better.

Nevertheless, my big boy is turning one fast. Before you know it he'll be climbing great heights on mountain tops with his father, asking if I'd eat him if we were deserted and he was my only means of survival, (don't even ask! My husband is a survival freak). So for his beautiful celebration of his first year of life, we will take him to the wilderness and let him enjoy the outdoors, followed by a small blessing. Then we'll come home, open gifts and eat vegan cake=) And I'll end the night by staring at my little angel while he sleeps wondering where the time went, wishing he wouldn't grow anymore, remembering when he would suckle on my breast as a newborn, so gentle and clumsy. And I'll probably cry and get mushy, kiss him goodnight and dream happy dreams with him in my arms. The love a mother has for her child is nothing anything can compare to, its like falling in love over and over again...for the rest of your life.